Sunday, Sunday, Sunday...

What the fuck is going on with the world right now? I mean, we see Farrah Fawcett pass, then Michael Jackson on the same day, and today, word is out that the famous pitch man, Billy Mays, died for undisclosed reasons. I'm not one to normally obsess about celebrity, but in the past few days, we've seen a woman that many of the guys in my generation obsessed over because of her famous poster, we've lost a musician that really put out some of the defining music of the early generation of MTV, and now, one of the best pitch man out there. I wasn't much of a fan of Michael Jackson's music, but it's hard to ignore that his influence over music and early videos wasn't influential. His Thriller defined what music videos could be, and he put out amazing music for many years, until he completely melted down mentally. I can't imagine what demons were floating through his head, but I hope that he's finally at peace with it all. Fawcett on the other hand, fell to cancer, something that I know about very well and my hope that medical science can catch up to this rather vicious killer. And to Billy Mays, well, seriously, man, I watched your commercials with great joy as you sold crap that most people wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole with such enthusiasm and zeal that I almost wanted to buy it anyway. Well, and OxyClean does do a good job in the laundry. But I'm openly wondering if there isn't some sort of weird disturbance in the forces in the world that we have heard about this within a matter of days. I hope it's just coincidence.

EDIT - See it's strange enough that I even forgot about Ed McMahon earlier in the week, he of Tonight Show, StarSearch and Bloopers fame. He made a career out of making others look good
and then some hosting gigs. Seemed like a good guy, and was always laughing. Normally, I'd be concerned about anyone laughing that much, but not this guy. He always seemed to be having a good time.

Just got done watching the Federations Cup soccer match, and for one brilliant half of soccer, the US National Team looked like the best team in the world, putting in two goals and making Brazil look slow, pedestrian, and frustrated. But then reality set in, Brazil got a very nice goal early in the second half, and the soccer world righted itself a bit with Brazil getting two more goals to win 3 to 2. They are the best team in the world, having won 5 World Cups and multitudes of other competitions, but they slept walked through the first half of the match and it almost cost them dearly against an American team that was really playing on borrowed time a bit. The Americans got drilled early by Brazil and Italy in the opening rounds, but then improbably put 3 in against Egypt while they advanced to the next round because Brazil crushed Italy, then the US pulled off the craziest upset over the top ranked Spanish team 2 to nil on Wednesday that shocked the footy world. And for 45 brilliant minutes, it looked like lady luck was going to stay with the Americans, but then the green and yellow clad Brazilians got an early goal, and then just mercilessly chipped away at the American defense, and got the winning goal late off a set piece form the corner. I'm pleased for the moral victory and for playing well, but my hope is that American soccer can move past the moral victories and truly put together some meaningful wins to show the world that we can play on the level of everyone else.

The Timbers kick off in a few hours against Montreal, and I'll be there. Apparently, everyone on the team is now healthy, so McManus, Pore, Nishimura and Jallow are all available for selection tonight. I didn't realize Jallow was hurt, but apparently he has been, but now, we've got a full, healthy squad. And my hope that these guys will mesh with the others that have been playing well, and we keep the hot streak going again. It's going to be an amazing week of footy here in Portland this week, and I'll keep you all posted throughout the events. Enjoy the sun out there, and go Timbers!!!

Tuesday Tidbits

So nothing throws off co-workers like wearing clothes that you don't normally wear to the office. Our dress code is business casual, although many of them take a lot of liberties with the things they wear. I've resorted to wearing nice shirts with jeans, so when I showed up today in a shirt and tie with slacks, it was noticed. Quite a bit, actually, as I fielded a lot of questions about whether I had a job interview or not.

Uh, OK, so apparently, I need to dress up more just to mess with people. I mean, I like to wear nice clothes, but since I don't work face to face with customers and I'm in a secure area of the bank, nobody really sees what I wear and I hadn't thought about it much. But I had a good reason for my choice of clothing, as I attended General Timber Howie's service this morning at Willamette National Cemetary in Happy Valley. He served in the military, and so the funeral was done with full military honors.

And since Memorial Day was yesterday, the cemetary was in full decoration as girl and I drove up. Every grave stone had a small American flag on it, and there were flowers and larger flags all over the place in honor of the fallen, and it was quite a sight to see rows and rows of flags as far as the eye can see. While I'm not a military person myself as mentioned in my last blog, I am patriotic and love seeing the flag displayed and I do sing our anthem as much as possible. I think it's great to show pride for your country, even if you don't personally agree with the direction it is taking. But since the new administration has come in, I'm feeling a lot more optimistic about our future, and optimistic that many of the people enlisting in the military won't end up being honored at the cemetary before their time.

There was at least 80 people waiting for the service, many of the Timbers Army present and many of Howie's coworkers and some family there. It was great to see many of my friends there, dressed up for the occassion, and while it was very solemn in some of the tone, it was still interested to see the pagentry of a military funeral. The gun salute and the playing of Taps was something I'd seen in movies and television, but to see it live was rather moving. And then the flag presentation was truly a sight, as the soldiers unfolded and refolded the flag in precision before presenting it to Howie's sister. It was true pagentry, and something that I was moved by, the precision of the moves, the deliberate motions, it was a sight to behold. A chaplin said a few words which were nice, and then Drumman shared a few Howie stories that put a smile on our faces. But as we left, I saw the grounds crew removing all the flags, with their ball caps, torn shorts, and cigarettes hanging out of their mouths, and it seemed odd that something that was done so respectfully would be taken away in such a cavalier manner. I suppose that after seeing such precision and honor, it was odd to see the near opposite afterwards, but then again, we live in a world of very stark contrasts.

I can imagine the wake for Howie on Saturday is going to be a bit more jovial and there will be a lot more laughs. I'll be bringing a surprise that girl and I have been keeping safe, and it's all to do with Howie and one of our road trips. We will be spreading some of his ashes at the park, and celebrating the life of a truly great man. I already miss you, Howie, but I feel like you've never left because you're watching over us and smiling.

Timbers News: So in talking about promotion and relegation in soccer, Burnely was one of the teams promoted this weekend after winning a playoff with Sheffield United. Well, today it was announced that Burnley is coming to PGE Park on July 25th to face the Timbers in a friendly match. And it was announced today that Burnley is giving their most passionate fans a special discount for season tickets in the Premiership for next season.

Burnley has quite a bit of history in English soccer, as they haven't played in the top level of English soccer since 1976, and have been relegated to the bottom level of the leagues a few times over the years, and they now become the 43rd different team to join the Premier League this coming season, and they will be coming to Portland. This is close to the same situation that we had in 2005 when Sunderland came to visit after they were promoted to the EPL and played a friendly match in Portland that ended in a draw. That was a magical night, and led to some of us traveling to England in 2006, and then me and girl making a return trip in 2008 as part of my honeymoon. Sunderland fans were some of the greatest fans I've ever encountered, and that day in 2005 was true magic. While I'm not expecting the Burnley match to really match the same intensity or passion level, I would love to be wrong. Let's face it, Burnley hasn't been in the Premiership before, and I would expect many of their fans to make the trip to celebrate the honor. And for some of us TA, we'll be making a double header of it as we are providing some support to friends in their match earlier in the day.

And to John Strong, well done on the Talking Timbers show, this week's edition was really good, and in response to your question, Vancouver is a great city to visit, their fans are very respectful, they play in a nice park, and their teams are pretty good, but there is only one rival to the Timbers, and that is the team from the city that shall not be named. As if there could ever be any doubt.

The Start to the Holiday Season

I've been a bit of an emotional mess the past few days, and you'd think around the holidays, I'd be in a slightly better mood. I mean, I've eaten enough turkey the past few days to grow feathers, I only went to one store today for shopping and got out in 10 minutes, and my job has been going really well lately. And things with me and girl are amazing, but I got some news that one of my dear friends lost her mom to cancer this past week, and it's reminded me a lot of me losing my mom.

For the uninitiated, my mom died in 2005 due to cancer. They didn't catch it in time for her to go through chemotherapy or other treatment, and so she was gone that quickly. I got a call on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend to come home and see her, and within a week, I was saying goodbye. It's probably one of the worst feelings I've ever had, mostly because of my closeness to my mom, and sitting there at her side watching it happen. I knew there was nothing I could do but wait, and I have never felt so powerless in my life. There's no amount of money that could have changed anything, and while prayer helped my peace of mind, it left me a lot of time to be with my thoughts. I kept wondering what I was going to do, and how I could handle losing an important piece of my life. But before she died, I told her about my planned trip to England in early 2006 and how important it was for me to go, but I was hesitant in going. She said, "You'll never have another chance to do something like this, so you need to go." The trip I took was in her honor, and to prove that I could do something like that.

Soon after her funeral, I came back to Portland and poured my life into my job and my friends, and very soon after that, girl and I started dating. Almost 3 years later, we are married and living happily in Portland. But admittedly, I wish that my mom was here now, to meet girl, to have been there at my wedding in person, to be here when we have our first child, to be here to be part of my life. And there have been times that I get mad at how unfair it is that she's gone. I know she's in a better place, and I'm happy she's not in pain anymore, and that there's a part of her that's with me all the time, but sometimes it just doesn't seem like enough.

I spent a lot of time afterwards dealing with my feelings for my mom, and admittedly went through a "rose colored glasses" phase, where I only thought of happy thoughts and good things about our dealings. Unfortunately, life is full of all sorts of moments, and I had to come to the reality of who my mom was - a wonderful woman with a big heart that was secretly scared of things she didn't know anything about and she spent her life letting other people control how she dealt with things. Time and time again, men made decisions that affected her and she put up with the situation to keep the family harmonious. I have an extremely strong female in my life now in girl, and seeing how my mom dealt with things, well, I can see why sometimes I have issues making tough decisions. I don't want to make anyone mad, even if it means that I do something that I don't want to or shouldn't do.

But, in the process of losing my mom, I've begun the process of finding myself and so far, it's been a pain staking, emotional, fun, annoying process. I see some of my strengths in my temperament, but yet I also tend to be quiet sometimes when I need to speak up. Girl has given me a lot of strength and support, and I'm better because of her, but it's funny to think that I met her just before one of the most significant times in my life. I think my mom would love girl a lot, and they'd be the best of friends, but sadly, the only talks they've ever had were spiritual. I think they were talking about a lot of my weird quirks, I'm sure.

The thing is that death is a normal part of life, and it's something that everyone will have to deal with at some point. It's natural to be angry, to be sad, to cry, but in the end, life for the rest of us goes on and you can't stop living it. I think for me, that was the lesson I needed to learn the most, and I still am learning it every day with each new challenge I encounter. If I could give my friend any bit of advice, it would be to remember the good and the bad, because those things are part of the same person. You may not like everything they did or said, but they loved you no matter what, and it's important to remember that.

Which is why around the holidays, I try and keep in touch with my friends and family a bit more, especially since you don't know what might happen. I may not be the best at keeping in touch, but I do my best to let people know that I think of them often. I mean, the holidays should be about giving of yourself, and sharing time with the people you care about. When I read the news story today about a guy getting trampled at a Walmart, it made me angry because the holidays for many folks are now about buying and consumption. I understand that we all take things for granted, and it's easy to get caught up in the moments like that, but we all have to remind ourselves that it's not what you can buy people, it's what you can give of yourself that matters. And you never know when you might lose someone close to you, so it's important to start now. Even if it's a phone call, an email, a text, or whatever, but say something. You'll be surprised how you feel afterwards.

And in relation to my last story about the Civil War, apparently, there's been a lot more animosity between the schools that I realized, but I still think this is the most friendly but nasty rivalry ever. I mean, Duck grads marry into Beaver families, I see Ducks rooting for Beavers at some points, that's not something I'd expect to see at say, a Auburn - Alabama rivalry. But that's something that makes this place rather unique, and one of the many things to love about Oregon. Hope it's a great game, and go Platipi!!

I'm Still Stunned To Hear About It.

It's ironic that Kevin Duckworth died on Monday because of problems with his heart, because people often said he used his heart and passion for people the right way, by giving of himself to the fullest. He was on the Oregon Coast to participate in a free basketball clinic for kids when on Monday night, he had trouble breathing and lost consciousness. Paramedics attempted to revive him, but they were never able to wake the giant, and the Trail Blazers lost one of their special players.

I moved to Portland in 1989 after graduating from college, but had followed enough sports to know about the Trail Blazers history and key players. When I had decided to move here, one of the key reasons I came was to watch the NBA in person, and I even worked out a plan with my boss at the time to leave early from work to go get tickets to a couple of games in exchange for working through a few lunch hours. It was worth it to get to see a couple of games that year in the Memorial Coliseum, and as the year rolled on, the team continued to win and won the right to play for the NBA Title. I was amazed at how crazy this town got with Blazer Mania, and I fed into every bit of it I could. But it was not only because of the greatness on the court, but the passion and sense of community off the court that impressed me. I heard of many stories of people interacting with the players, saying how nice these guys were and how they took time from their days to give something back. Kevin Duckworth was the person I heard about the most in this respect.

He was our starting center, all 7 foot 1 inch of person, wearing double zero. While he seemed to be at the right place to pick up rebounds and tap ins for points, he also dealt effectively with opposing centers in blocking shots and being a general nuisance. He wasn't the key cog of our offense, we had players that could fill those roles, but Duckworth filled the unsung role of stopper and rebounder while other players took headlines with their spectacular plays. You never heard him complain about it, the only criticisms he took in were the ones where he had off nights in shooting and he resolved himself to do better. He struck me as a very sensitive, heady player, as evidenced by some slumps in his career that seemed to take him longer to ride out than most. Being a sensitive type myself, I can relate to the fact that we sensitive folks are often harder on ourselves that we need to be, which seemed to fit his persona. But Duckworth did his job, made a few All-Star teams, and was a key component to the Trail Blazer runs in the early 90's.

What you also saw from him was numerous community appearances and engagements. He seemed to be everywhere to help anyone that needed it. He forged a special relationship with the children at William Walker Elementary school in Beaverton near his house, often visiting them during the school year to speak. When he retired from playing, you still saw Duckworth making appearances, working at his restaurant in Vancouver WA, and being visible around town. He was at many Trail Blazer games, watching the next generation take the torch, and appearing for the team as an alumni ambassador. He seemed to relish in his role as a spokesperson, touching people with his stories, demeanor, and smile. When you read the words and stories told by his coaches and teammates, they all talk about his engaging personality and ability to make people feel comfortable.

But all was not quite right with Kevin, as evidenced in recent appearances where he had gained a tremendous amount of weight. He was never the smallest guy about, but it was obvious that he had been putting on some weight recently. But he seemed to be as active and busy as ever, until Monday when trouble developed. I don't know much about his medical history except for what I read today after his autopsy, but I know enough about health and exercise to know that if you gain a lot of weight and don't get a lot of exercise, that's not good for your body. And the autopsy released today indicated that the cause of death was congestive heart failure combined with high blood pressure and other factors. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to put the pieces together and figure out what happened. You wonder if the people around him had said something out of concern or love to watch what he ate, or to get more exercise, or to just watch himself. It's hard to know even if there were those conversations if anything would have changed, but what's true is that a legend has been lost.

People have been asking what is the best way to honor Duckworth's memory. The team is holding a memorial service for him on Saturday at the Memorial Coliseum, the home of many of his great games. I think that's a great start, but I think the team has a chance to do something really special here. Duck's career numbers probably don't warrant retiring his number, and I'm sure the team will don special patches for him this season, but my suggestion is to rename the community service award given by the team in Duckworth's honor. For a guy that gave so freely of himself and represented the town and the team in such a positive way for so many years, I think it's a truly fitting way to honor him in a way that I think he'd appreciate.

It's rather difficult for me to even talk about death still, as the topic still reminds me of the loss of my mom back in 2005. I was called out of the blue to come visit her in the hospital and a week later, I'm planning her funeral. We can't choose how we die, we can only build the memories of a lifetime to share with the people around us. While my mom's death was difficult for me to deal with, I learned a lot about myself and the people around me. I had dozens of friends pick me up and keep me propped up and doing things, even if my instinct was to just hide from the world. I found the love of my life amongst these amazing friends, and we were just married this past April. I've changed my life in numerous positive ways, and honestly, I'm not sure if I'd have done this otherwise. What death did for me was made me realize how important people are to me, and how important it is to them that I'm happy in whatever it is I do. I found peace, love, and acceptance from a group of soccer fans in Portland, and I can never thank them enough for what they gave me.

My hope is that while Duckworth's death is seen as a tragedy, it is also viewed as inspiration for people to live their lives to the happiest because it is truly a gift. It might inspire change, passion, or tears, but as in his life, Duckworth's presence inspires us all to be better people and give of ourselves to make our little part of the world a better place. Even though I never met him personally, I feel like I've lost a brother but I've also gained an appreciation of what life has to offer.

Just Taking Notice....

I had a few different topics planned for my next blog, but as I was sitting about trying to come up with which idea I wanted to tackle first, I heard the news that Heath Ledger had passed. Normally, I'm not much of a celebrity buff, but it was the buzz around my office as many of the women in my office cried, and were shaken by the news. The trickle of information was slow, but now more and more tidbits about that fateful day are being shared, and painting a picture of what truly happened. But for me, I couldn't help thinking of his family and friends, who are now having to deal with the aftermath of what happened. I suppose my own experiences with death have shaped that.

One of my first jobs in high school was a groundskeeper at two funeral homes. I drove large commercial lawn tractors, trimmed shrubbery, pulled weeds, and generally made the place look nice. The whole fact that this job was dealing with death never crossed my mind once, even with the constant reminders about - the headstones, masoleums, and funerals most days while I was there. I never worked on any funerals during the 5 months I worked there, but my coworkers were busy dealing with arrangements, plot set ups, and generally doing the work that nobody else wanted to do. My boss said something that struck me to this day, "Death is part of life, and the best thing you can do when someone is gone is to remember the good times. Funerals are for the living to try to jump start the healing process." I'm not sure what happens when someone passes, but seeing the various setups, hearing some gatherings with laughter, some sadness, some large, some only three people, the experience is very personal and very real.

I learned the lesson myself when I lost my mom to cancer in 2005. Up until that point, I had never lost anyone close to me, and my mom was a big influence on my life in many aspects. I tried so hard to live up to what I thought she wanted me to be, yet it only mattered to her that I was happy. I didn't realize that fully until my last real conversation with her three days before she died. I told her about the Timbers Army, the fun I was having supporting my soccer team, and how I was thinking of going to England the next year. She told me that I was the happiest she'd seen me ever, and that I would regret not going to England so I needed to go. At that point, I was convinced I needed to do this no matter what. Thankfully, girl helped me through the process and putting things together, along with some great nudges from fellow TA members. I had to do this not for myself, but for her because she knew it would make me happy.

Something my stepdad said to me a few days after the funeral stuck with me as well, as my mom had said to him that I would be a huge mess if she ever died. Supposedly, I wouldn't be able to function or know what to do. While I was angry at the comment, I realized that in her own way, it was her prodding me to be happy because that's when I would be at my best. Now, over two years later, I have the bestest fiancee in my life, I have great friends and a great team to support, and I get to declare my love for girl in April before we go back to England. I had never been there before, but the place spoke to me and I have only felt that way about one other place - Portland. I just knew I was where I should be, and I think my mom knew that. In death, she was more worried about all of us being OK, she stopped worrying about herself and was at peace. I suppose that's the best we can hope for at that point, and at some level, it's probably incredibly uplifting and terrifying as hell.

But that's what death is all about. It's part of the cycle of things, and without it, life doesn't take on as much significance. As I think of my niece just 5 months old, it's the whole cycle of life without the dumbass Disney tune in the background. We deal with things as best we can, and move on with the love and support of those here and those from beyond. Death shouldn't be something to be scared of, although not knowing what's out there is a struggle for some. For me, I just look at it as the next big adventure whenever that may happen. Right now, I'm having too much fun around here.