100th Post - What Do I Win?

Seriously, we can put men in space, we can cure diseases, and we can create some of the world's greatest masterpieces, so tell me in what planet does this item sound like a good idea? I mean really, you can't operate a seat belt, so you need help with making it work better? I love American ingenuity, but seriously, a lot of what we develop is simply to take advantage of stupid people into sending their money for things. Granted, we can't legislate intelligence, and I try to avoid having government pass laws to protect people from themselves, but seriously, I think it's about time to consider it. Because I can't think of anything redeeming about this product at all. And yes, I'm fully aware of where the product ends up on most of the female clientele.

I love reading about how Sunday's Super Bowl was the best game ever, and it immediately should be ranked amongst the best games ever. Uh, seriously, here? I can think of at least 5 games that I found more interesting and were better overall games from start to finish. (Elway's first Super Bowl win, Norwood's missed kick versus the Giants, the Giants win last year, Patriots first win in 2002, 49ers win in 1982 just to name 5 right now, there could be more.) It's not that the game was all that boring, either. You had two evenly matched teams, both teams made big plays, and the fourth quarter was back and forth, so that was good. On the flip side, you had uneven officiating throughout the game, non existent running games, and really a first half that bordered on sloppy for both sides.

But we are in an era of Super Bowls that don't suck, so really, fans right now may not remember the trash that really was the Super Bowl until about 2002. Games weren't close for the most part, and when they were, it was true back and forth, nail biting classics. Otherwise, the games were over by halftime, so the excuse was to get drunk and watch the commercials until something else was on television. Now, in the golden age of Super Bowls, there really hasn't been a blowout in a while, so I think each game gets thrown on the hyperbole of great games, even if it really wasn't. Pittsburgh played very well, and made plays when they needed to, but if the game ended and Arizona won, it wouldn't have been a huge surprise because for the most part, they played well. Yes, the forth quarter was a classic battle, back and forth, with some huge plays, but I couldn't consider the whole game a true classic.

But as a sports fan, I'm entitled to my opinion, and so there will be plenty of other dissenting views, and that's OK. One of the great things about sports is that discussions like this really share knowledge between sports fans, and so you impart history and information between people that know and share passion. Unfortunately, you get the other side where people from the modern era tend to forget the things that just happened 10 years ago. Seriously, when the NBA was polling current players about the best shooters of the game, they mentioned a lot of good players. From the current ranks. With nobody from the previous eras even remotely mentioned. How can you have a discussion of great NBA shooters and not include Larry Bird or George Gervin? Oh, that's right, they played before the era of Sports Center.

Which is where the whole classic thing bugs me the most. If someone hasn't seen it, apparently it either doesn't exist, or it's too obscure to be true. And I don't want to sound like a sports fan that uses the tired analogy of walking up hill barefoot to school to describe my experience in being a fan while I was younger, but when you could only watch one MLB game a week on TV, when NBA was an only occasional watch, NFL was restricted to what you got on your market area, and your newspaper box scores were the way that you learned more about teams and players, it makes you appreciate what an era we live in now, with sports anytime, anywhere. But by the same token, games and performances get taken for granted, and history seems less relevant because it's the here and now.

True fans of the game appreciate the current, learn about the past, and look towards the future with open eyes and hearts. I miss some of the simplicity of being a fan when things were more simple, but at the same time, being able to get scores and highlights anytime spoils me greatly. Being able to watch a Trail Blazer game while checking the Gonzaga score on my phone is priceless, and something that every sports fan appreciates. But in appreciating that, it's also important to remember where we came from.

As far as MLS updates for Portland, there are a couple of important items. The City Task Force keeps meeting to try and hit the deadline to recommend that Portland either officially apply for a team or defer the idea for later. Randy Leonard has asked the group to keep on task to meet the deadline, and focus on soccer rather than baseball right now. While it's important to get that task done, the issue is that MLS will be making its decision within the next month or two, and we need to get things in order now or lose an opportunity here. On February 24th, the Task Force will be taking public comments, and I'll post information about where it is, and what you can do to help. It's important to make your voice heard here, and let the city know that this idea has merit, and we would support MLS coming here. I understand the city has important issues, but at the same point, we have a chance here to do something special and bring top level soccer to the Rose City.

It's A Damn Blanket With Arms

You've seen the commercial, heck you might even know someone that has bought a Snuggie for their home, because it's the hottest thing in pop culture right now. And honestly, I can't figure it out. I suppose if you are going for the fleece covered monk look, Snuggie has you covered, but for me, I'm already proficient at operating a blanket when needed and if I'm that cold, I usually put on a sweatshirt and long pants. I'm not sure I would want one of these things, much less be seen in public wearing one of these, but apparently, I'm wrong in dissing on the Snuggie because they are selling like crazy, and stores can't keep them in stock.

I can't completely explain how some products become almost cultish in their appeal, like the Snuggie and the Shamwow, and others are doomed to end up at garage sales for a nickel, but the one thing that they all have is a catchy advertisement, and it plays everywhere. You can't watch any basic cable shows without seeing an ad for either the Snuggie or Shamwow, the special shammy towel that is super absorbent. At least with the Shamwow, I can say I've seen it work because girl's mom bought some to help clean up the cat pee that appears every once in a while in the house. And I can give the best testimonial ever to the Shamwow that it cleans up cat pee better than any other towel I've used. I'm not completely sure that would work for a commercial, but when you see something like this work, it makes you feel better about buying something. Plus, there's something about the Shamwow pitch guy, who talks with his fast food drive through headset, talking about the most absorbent towel on the market. He talks fast, he does crazy demonstrations that show amazing results, they have testimonials from people who have bought them, and then cue the 800 number and start the feeding frenzy.

Admit it, we've all bought crap from the store or television, sucked in by the outlandish claims that somehow promise magic things, like being able to set your car polish on fire, scramble an egg inside the shell, or spray on hair that looks and feels real, but only to find that if you're dumb enough to set your car on fire to prove its shine, well, you probably shouldn't be driving. But part of marketing is making something seem like you can't live without it, and these commercials do that very well with catchy demonstrations and testimonials.

But while some might say this is capitalism at its best, I would say that's hardly the case. A true capitalist should be paid for their talents, which is the essence of capitalism that people's worth is calculated by talent and they are compensated for that. Where the current run of Americanistic commerce comes into play is adding unbridled greed to the desire to be paid for talent, and then it turns into wanting to make more so you can have everything, then rinse and repeat. Some of these infomercials prey on people's insecurities for the simple reason of lining someone's pocket out of greed, and you hear the horror stories of getting ripped off all the time. While my capitalistic roots love people doing what they love and being compensated for their talents, I also have the ethical side of not wanting to screw with people, which is why I'd be a terrible telemarketer. Well, actually, I was one for about two weeks, and while I had the great phone voice, I sucked at scamming people.

But while the world of marketing has dozens of failed inventions that toil in obscurity, there are those that not only rise to the fame of actually having people buy them, but they gain a loyal coltish following. Heck, even CNBC created a competition between beloved products from the infomercial world, and the winner was a towel that sucks...really well. I think I still have my George Foreman grill around here somewhere, and it actually works really well. Plus, and I have trouble admitting this, but I like seeing what crap Billy Mays is pitching this week, because the guy is hysterical and his beard is a true black hole of commerce. Granted, I can also avoid most of the appeal for these by saying I don't really need them and besides, they'll be on sale at the store in about 3 months anyway under some other brand name. But I can appreciate the cult factor of these products by truly calling them what they are: legendary.

Postscript - I read my friend Heather's blog, Mile 73.com, quite a bit because the stories are really funny, and she presents them in such an unusually entertaining way. Plus, she hangs out at Timbers matches with daveknows, who really knows about Portland, so she's in good company. She posted something about lite rock a few days ago, complaining about a certain band named after a city that has a team of Red Soxs and Celtics running about because there is a certain song that she's not fond of. While I can relate to her turmoil, I can do her one better, by being tormented this morning by the worst song in the history of rock, as voted on by Blender and Vibe magazine, and I think VH1 referred to it terribly as well. It was a song by a band that should have known better. Cause don't you remember, don't you remember, we built this city on rock and roll!! Just say no to craptacular 80s music.