The Start to the Holiday Season

I've been a bit of an emotional mess the past few days, and you'd think around the holidays, I'd be in a slightly better mood. I mean, I've eaten enough turkey the past few days to grow feathers, I only went to one store today for shopping and got out in 10 minutes, and my job has been going really well lately. And things with me and girl are amazing, but I got some news that one of my dear friends lost her mom to cancer this past week, and it's reminded me a lot of me losing my mom.

For the uninitiated, my mom died in 2005 due to cancer. They didn't catch it in time for her to go through chemotherapy or other treatment, and so she was gone that quickly. I got a call on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend to come home and see her, and within a week, I was saying goodbye. It's probably one of the worst feelings I've ever had, mostly because of my closeness to my mom, and sitting there at her side watching it happen. I knew there was nothing I could do but wait, and I have never felt so powerless in my life. There's no amount of money that could have changed anything, and while prayer helped my peace of mind, it left me a lot of time to be with my thoughts. I kept wondering what I was going to do, and how I could handle losing an important piece of my life. But before she died, I told her about my planned trip to England in early 2006 and how important it was for me to go, but I was hesitant in going. She said, "You'll never have another chance to do something like this, so you need to go." The trip I took was in her honor, and to prove that I could do something like that.

Soon after her funeral, I came back to Portland and poured my life into my job and my friends, and very soon after that, girl and I started dating. Almost 3 years later, we are married and living happily in Portland. But admittedly, I wish that my mom was here now, to meet girl, to have been there at my wedding in person, to be here when we have our first child, to be here to be part of my life. And there have been times that I get mad at how unfair it is that she's gone. I know she's in a better place, and I'm happy she's not in pain anymore, and that there's a part of her that's with me all the time, but sometimes it just doesn't seem like enough.

I spent a lot of time afterwards dealing with my feelings for my mom, and admittedly went through a "rose colored glasses" phase, where I only thought of happy thoughts and good things about our dealings. Unfortunately, life is full of all sorts of moments, and I had to come to the reality of who my mom was - a wonderful woman with a big heart that was secretly scared of things she didn't know anything about and she spent her life letting other people control how she dealt with things. Time and time again, men made decisions that affected her and she put up with the situation to keep the family harmonious. I have an extremely strong female in my life now in girl, and seeing how my mom dealt with things, well, I can see why sometimes I have issues making tough decisions. I don't want to make anyone mad, even if it means that I do something that I don't want to or shouldn't do.

But, in the process of losing my mom, I've begun the process of finding myself and so far, it's been a pain staking, emotional, fun, annoying process. I see some of my strengths in my temperament, but yet I also tend to be quiet sometimes when I need to speak up. Girl has given me a lot of strength and support, and I'm better because of her, but it's funny to think that I met her just before one of the most significant times in my life. I think my mom would love girl a lot, and they'd be the best of friends, but sadly, the only talks they've ever had were spiritual. I think they were talking about a lot of my weird quirks, I'm sure.

The thing is that death is a normal part of life, and it's something that everyone will have to deal with at some point. It's natural to be angry, to be sad, to cry, but in the end, life for the rest of us goes on and you can't stop living it. I think for me, that was the lesson I needed to learn the most, and I still am learning it every day with each new challenge I encounter. If I could give my friend any bit of advice, it would be to remember the good and the bad, because those things are part of the same person. You may not like everything they did or said, but they loved you no matter what, and it's important to remember that.

Which is why around the holidays, I try and keep in touch with my friends and family a bit more, especially since you don't know what might happen. I may not be the best at keeping in touch, but I do my best to let people know that I think of them often. I mean, the holidays should be about giving of yourself, and sharing time with the people you care about. When I read the news story today about a guy getting trampled at a Walmart, it made me angry because the holidays for many folks are now about buying and consumption. I understand that we all take things for granted, and it's easy to get caught up in the moments like that, but we all have to remind ourselves that it's not what you can buy people, it's what you can give of yourself that matters. And you never know when you might lose someone close to you, so it's important to start now. Even if it's a phone call, an email, a text, or whatever, but say something. You'll be surprised how you feel afterwards.

And in relation to my last story about the Civil War, apparently, there's been a lot more animosity between the schools that I realized, but I still think this is the most friendly but nasty rivalry ever. I mean, Duck grads marry into Beaver families, I see Ducks rooting for Beavers at some points, that's not something I'd expect to see at say, a Auburn - Alabama rivalry. But that's something that makes this place rather unique, and one of the many things to love about Oregon. Hope it's a great game, and go Platipi!!

It's Civil War Week In Oregon

So I spent part of my lunch hour crafting the following entry for posting about the Civil War. After putting it to paper, I found some more information out, but decided to post the entry anyway, so enjoy, but please read the notes at the end:

I’ve hesitated to write about it, even though I don’t consider myself a
superstitious person. But it’s gotten to the point that it can’t be ignored anymore, as Oregon State sits one win away from a Rose Bowl berth, something they haven’t achieved since 1965. After the team started 0 and 2, I don’t think anyone but hardcore Beaver fans would have expected this kind of run, but after losing to Utah and knowing they needed to win out to get there, they sit one game away from that very situation. And the team they get to face this weekend is their arch rival, Oregon.

The Civil War is a uniquely interesting rivalry to say the least. Since I didn’t attend either school, I don’t have any specific allegiance to either side except that as a bandwagon fan, I pay enough attention to wish them well and hope they do our state proud. Since I have a large number of relatives from Colorado, I got to enjoy watching Oregon destroy Colorado back in 2002 and give a few of my cousins a hard time afterwards. I felt the Ducks should have been playing in the championship game that year, but the BCS felt otherwise and got a rather anti-climactic final game that year. The problem occurred the preceding year when the Beavers lit up Notre Dame, and at that point, were the best collegiate team on the field but the polls didn’t rank them higher and the BCS passed them by. But I don’t think anyone except hard core Beaver fans figured that team would destroy the Fighting Irish. But that’s why you play the games.

I haven’t talked about the Beavers much simply because they aren’t in my wheelhouse of teams that I religiously follow. I like them well enough, but I don’t have a specific leaning one way or another, which really makes this week of all weeks interesting. For 51 weeks of the year, Duck and Beaver fans politely co-exist happily in Oregon without too much issue. But then Civil War week comes around, and the fans come out of the woodwork to abuse each other with taunts, barbs, and other assorted trash talk. I seriously think that Oregon – Oregon State is the most friendly nasty rivalry around, as I find it common to hear people say, “I’m a Duck but I like seeing the Beavers do well.” If you look around at most other rivalries, I can’t imagine opposing fans wishing good luck to their rival at any point, but that’s how things are around here.

It was weird going to school in Spokane listening to Huskies and Cougars trash each other during the Apple Cup week, and the battle of Montana produced some rather odd moments (I recall seeing a drinking contest between fans before one game that I went to using everclear. No, not the band, but the alcohol, working brain cells not included), but those rivalries never seemed to go away during the offseason. And for my family, the battles between Nebraska and Colorado, well, that was one of those topics you didn’t discuss around the holiday dinner table, lumped in with religion and politics, because you were just as likely to get a smile as you would a fork in the head. So moving here in 1989, I found the Civil War to not only match up to the name by how fans interacted with each other, but the general tone of pre-game talk and antics. Granted, if I had attended either of those fine schools, I might feel differently. I know following the Timbers, I do have people confuse my support for them for the Ducks because both teams wear green, and I tend to wear a lot of green. But that’s mostly relating to Timbers, although in saying that to people, most people are surprised we have a soccer team, much less one that wears green.

But, I’ve attended the same number of football games at each school (two), I’ve actually attended online courses for each school for graduate credit (three), and I have friends that support both schools rather passionately, so I’ve really avoided picking one school over another. It’s come down to who is doing well at that point, and I follow them as much at time warrants. This does go against most of my sport leanings, because I tend to pick a team and follow them closely and I try not to waver when picking teams to support, but right now, I have as many reasons to pick being a Duck versus being a Beaver.

But for 51 weeks of the year, it doesn’t seem to matter that much. I’ve only ran across one person in my near 20 years of being here that dissed on a Duck, and it was on the golf course. My friend Obi and I got paired with two older gentlemen for a round at Killarney in Hillsboro, who were really good guys to play a round with. After the round, Obi mentioned he took some course management advice that he’d seen on TV from Peter Jacobson, a long time Portland area golf pro. One of our playing partners was a long time Beaver fan, who politely said he wouldn’t take any golf advice from Peter Jacobson because he was a &%&$%# duck. And seriously, if that’s the most vicious thing I’ve heard in almost 20 years of Civil Wars, well, it’s tame in comparison to most. The passion is certainly there, but the fans are still extremely cordial to each other even in their trash talking. Which really makes this one of my favorite rivalries, because even in totally trash talking the other side, fans are still incredibly nice to each other. I hear stories of oddness, but I think for the most part, it’s the friendliest, fiercest rivalry around.

But I know this weekend, the stakes are pretty high. Oregon would love nothing more than to get into the Holiday Bowl with a win, and keep the Beavers from getting into the Rose Bowl, something the Ducks haven’t done in a while. Oregon State would love to show the country how good of a team they are, and beat the Ducks for the third time in a row. And the game falls on one of the last weekends of the college football season, which means it will get some pretty good attention during a Saturday afternoon. I’m sure this will be a well played, competitive game, but really I’m having trouble picking a side to support.

So for this week, if I’m asked which side I support, Ducks or Beavers, I’m saying Platypus! The idea actually came from girl, who in teaching at various schools always gets asked by her students what side does she support. And so she says Platypus, and really, this combination half-duck, half-beaver creature, really it’s the poster child for those of us Oregonians who really just want our teams to play well but haven’t really chosen a side yet. In my case, I probably won’t choose one side or another, simply because it’s nice to be able to appreciate both teams without feeling too guilty. Whether it’s my college days of going to a school that didn’t have a football team, or it’s the fact I have teams I follow more closely, I think for me this week, it’s a simple theme “Have a good game and may the best team win!”

Notes: So I wrote this and sent it to myself for posting, and then I get home, and of course I wrote this before reading John Canzano's blog about 112 reasons to care about the Civil War, and I learned a lot about the rivalry. While it won't cause me to choose a side in this affair, it does give me a greater appreciation for the history of this game, and what it means to others. So really, root for your side this weekend, and enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday!!

Lessons in Sports Are Everywhere

It was late in the game on Sunday afternoon, our team clinging to a one goal lead and I had just wandered in for my third shift on defense. The game itself had been a crazy mix of weather alternating between drizzle, showers, sun breaks and a bit of wind, but it started on time despite the conditions. Our opponents only fielded 7 guys at kickoff, and we were at a list of 20 guys ready to go, so we had the number stacked in our favor. But our opponents, whom we'd played before and lost to 7 to 1, had some skill and had played together for years, so even being short players, they were able to break us down and our offense wasn't as organized as it has been. But here it was, us with a late lead and we were hoping to escape with points.

But our opponents had another breakaway on the left side opposite me, as I was playing on the right as a 3 person defense. Our middle defender, Pete, and left defender, Eric, went for the ball on the breakaway and I tracked back on the right. Up until this point, I'd been marking guys well, knocked out a couple of passes out of bounds, and generally played a strong game. One of the opposing strikers got a little past Pete and fired the ball in towards our keeper, who committed to block the shot, and the ball sailed to the right and glanced off the right post and it shot out toward the field. I immediately ran over to knock it out of bounds, but suddenly the other striker had pounced on the ball and knocked it in for the tying goal. I was absolutely devastated, as a guy that I should have marked I lost track of and he notched a goal. The game ended a few minutes later after a couple of furious runs for us towards goal, but in the end, it was a draw. Mind you, our team is win less and had been beaten pretty handily in the first three weeks, so a draw is a bit of a victory in that respect.

But I can't help but think about what might have happened if I'd have marked my man when the shot was taken. Granted, I could have knocked the ball away and it would have gotten rid of that threat, but there could have been more coming. I could have also knocked the guy down and given up a penalty to the other side, which I didn't do. It was a matter of a lesson learned, that marking guys is vital and I know that better for next time. My footy experience has mostly been on the pick up games in college and during P.E. back in school, but I've watched enough games to understand basic rules and strategy. It's putting it into practice that is important.
And it's also important to get back out and play and keep trying hard.

What I want to avoid is an effort like the Oregon Ducks this weekend, who folded up in the second quarter versus USC and gave them the win without too much effort, as USC took it to Oregon and they never responded. This team showed a lot of grit in beating Purdue on the road in two overtimes, but yet thought they could beat a Boise State team on talent alone, and BSU took them to the house. Oregon got the early lead, but when USC started pouring it on, Oregon made mistakes and the rest is a blowout. Plenty of Oregon players even said they felt they were the better team, despite the score, but the score is what people remember regardless. That might not be fair, but it's part of the game and part of why they keep score. You have to show up each week, ready to play, and if you make mistakes, that's part of the game. And it's OK to be confident of your talents, but you also need to be humble in victory and respectful in defeat. It's a matter of learning from the lessons, and my hope is that Oregon learns from the mistakes on Saturday and gets the ship righted.

If anything, they should take heart from the Oregon State Beavers, who played a very good game versus Utah to only see the Utes clip them with a late field goal. The Beavers had the game won, but they struggled late with some defense and came out on the short end of a pass interference call on the first two point conversion try Utah attempted to tie the score. The Beavers had upset USC the previous week, and had been basking in the glory of knocking off the number 1 ranked Trojans, and now were in a dogfight with the Utes in Salt Lake. The Utes have a lot of talent, and made some plays despite what the Beavers tried to do. It ended up a loss, but shouldn't be the end of their season. The Beavers show up to play hard every week, even outclassed like in Penn State earlier this year, but their coaches get them fired up to play each and every week, and let the chips fall where they make. Because as we've often seen, sometimes the chips fall in the right way to cause special things to happen.

You are only as good as your last week's performance. That's not meant to be overly critical, but what it shows is that it matters what you do now on the field at the point in time. Wins are great, but losses are part of the game as well, and you can't get too high from one or down on the other and expect to be able to snap back each week. It's human nature to glorify good performances, but sports has a humbling quality that pops up now and again, and it can put you in your place from time to time.

And it's also important to be there to support your friends and family when they are out there playing. It really helped me a lot to see girl on the sidelines, getting wet from the rain, but there providing support and distraction as needed. I spent a lot of time playing sports in high school, and I would have loved seeing my family there to cheer me on, win or lose. But there were other things to do, supposedly, and the one meet they did watch me, I came in dead last and heard about it all the way home. Moral victories and effort may not show up in the scoreboard, but it's important to acknowledge getting out there and trying, even in the sense of teamwork. It's a fine line here, though, as I don't advocate things like "trophy day for everyone" in sports, because I think it's important to learn the lesson that sports, like life, isn't fair. But if you work hard, try your best every week, learn from your mistakes, and don't beat yourself up or slap your back too much, sports can be a rewarding experience just the same.

So for me, it's time to get back to practice this week, and we have another game next Sunday. And I'm looking forward to it, because I've learned some valuable lessons. Hopefully Mother Nature won't make the whole experience happen under water...

The Weather Is Getting A Bit Nicer..

My social schedule lately has been crazy, as I haven't been able to update this in over a week. That's what happens when you are so popular and someone close to you has a cold, but it appears that things are settling down a bit.

• The Trail Blazers continue to play up and down, with a win over Chicago last Wednesday that I saw in person, and two tough losses in Detroit and Indiana. The Trail Blazers have played well in stretches, and now they are facing the tough stretch of the season, where the games take on more meaning and it's important to remain mentally and physically tough. This team continues to overachieve in so many areas, but they also show their youth with bad passes, tough shots, and making mistakes. Right now, we seem very tired, so I would expect that the All Star Break comes at a good time, allowing us to rest some weary bodies and minds for the stretch run.
• The NFL Pro Bowl was on today, couldn't tell you who won or if anyone even cares. So you put your all star game after the season, and then watch as most of the major stars opt out to rest. It would be tough to take a week off during the year to have something like what baseball or basketball does, but I think the NFL needs to do something to make this more meaningful. Although, a trip to Hawaii in February doesn't have enough meaning??
• Girl and I saw Cloverfield last night, and it was everything that we expected and so much more. It's unlike anything I've ever seen put on film and the experience is something that I can't put justice to in a few words. Yes, it's a monster movie, and yes, you feel like you've been run through a roller coaster a few times in watching the shaky images, but I've never seen a thriller like this before. This movie causes you to ask so many questions, like what you do if confronted with such an experience, and would you go back for someone even if you knew it would risk your life. The special effects are amazing, and like many of JJ Abrams' works, there are more questions than answers raised when watching it, and while Cloverfield is a great movie on its own part, you could trudge through the theories and back story and get wrapped in a heck of a story. If you do go see this, I recommend preparing for a dizzying night, cause I'm still a bit nauseated the next day from seeing it. Some motion sickness pills might be good, too.
• The Timbers season is fast approaching, and I'm happy that it's beginning to be spring. I don't mind the snow and rain, but yesterday's nice day outside got me wishing for a bit of spring fever. Around here in Oregon, you learn to do things outside or just stay inside for weeks and weeks and get a little cabin fever. That's why you dress in layers about here, but we get some greenery around here, that's for sure. But spring means soccer, and I'm excited for the 2008 campaign.
• I've been watching with some amusement the recruiting game in college football, and the story from Nevada about Kevin Hart. In case you missed it, Kevin wanted so badly to be recruited to play college football, that he created his own press conference to announce his choice. Too bad the schools hadn't recruited him at all, which lead to him publically apologizing for his ruse. The whole recruiting game is such a mess right now, and nobody seems to care about it as long as people make money and kids get exposure. When I was in high school and kids signed, it was a small gathering at the school where kids could celebrate their accomplishments with fellow athletes, and it was kept in perspective. Now, you have websites and channels dedicating hours and hours of coverage based on the potential of where someone might go. Nothing like putting some extra pressure on a decision that for most kids is one of the first big decisions they'll decide on. Instead of adults keeping some perspective on this, they are caught up in the dollar signs and attention like everyone else. I don't blame Kevin Hart for wanting to play college football, and if we are going to blame him for trying to have his moment in the sun, we should also blame the member institutions that continue to allow outside forces (agents, boosters, third party groups) to influence the process, the coaches for not helping kids make the right decisions, and the parents for allowing the circus to happen. I understand the desire to play on the big stage, but it's important sometimes to keep things in check before cashing the checks or watching your press clippings.
• Besides, being a sports celebrity means having people incessentantly pick over parts of your life to no end, like there is no real private life. When we think of celebrities, we think of the money, the attention, the glamour, the ability to do anything or get anything you want. The downside is the hangeroners, the press tapping into your world 24 by 7, websites posting rumours of any validity from reliable to completely madeup, the sacrifices made by family and friends during the season, the stress and wear and tear on a body and mind, and the ultimate question of what happens after the playing days are done. Not that I expect any of these answers to be easy or perfect, but in the pursuit of sports, even I tend to forget that these athletes are human and they have the same frailties that we all share. They have to do what they do in front of thousands in person and TV without a safety net or a do-over. The only thing I've ever asked of the teams I support is that they give it all they have, and if they do, I can love them no matter what. Think it's easy to be that way, try living through the Broncos Super Bowl failures or the dark days of the Trail Blazers, and see if you can truly think that. It's not easy, but at the same time, I don't follow the bandwagon like a lot of fans. It's easy to root for people on top, but try and stick with your team through the ups and downs. If you can, I can say you are a true fan.

Talk to you all soon.