It's Finally Done

Ok, the blog has been a rather quiet place lately, not for lack of ideas to talk about. I mean, the thoughts I've pondered about lately were (in no particular order): hearing the most disturbing song remakes (Why remake Eye in the Sky?), bemusing about the lack of originality in television, why steriods aren't just a sports issue, why I like the rain, why coffee is good, and the crazy things men think of before getting married. But as I tried to find time to write, there were more and more wedding tasks that came up to do, and the blog took a back seat.

I know that girl was just as busy as I was, probably more so because she did more of the crafts for the tables. I didn't go into this thinking it would a competition of who was most busy, but the number of decisions about this and that even amazed me and my job daily gives me dozens of times to make decisions. What I was most impressed about was that while we wanted the ceremony to be nice, we were more concerned about making sure people had fun. Honestly, the committment between us was made long before we said our vows on April 5th. Neither of us went into this with blinders on.

People have said they enjoyed our wedding for a multitude of reasons. Maybe it was the free alcohol, maybe it was the amazing speech that Obi gave as my best man, maybe it was seeing Timber Jim speak about lessons of the heart, maybe it was the near destruction of a blown up orca, maybe it was the great pies because we didn't want cake, maybe it was the comic relief during the ceremony, or maybe it was the location. But I think the biggest reason that people enjoyed it was because we made it our own ceremony our own way. There were some traditional elements going on, but let's face it, there were many things that made this ceremony unique.

If I could give advice to anyone getting married, I would start by saying that you should listen to each other about what you want in the ceremony, and then be prepared to discuss things and compromise on some things as well. Assume some things will happen that you aren't expecting, and have back up plans just in case things change. But the biggest thing to remember is to make the ceremony your own with some personal touches. I remember going to a lot of weddings during my 20's and many of them melded together because they were all the same - colors, music, unity candles, songs. Not that I want to fault anyone for their choices, but when you plan a party for people, it's nice to make it somewhat memorable.

There have been a couple of links for pictures from the ceremony. Right now, I'm getting prepared for our overseas honeymoon trip to Sunderland, Rome and London. We get to see a couple of BPL matches, see some friends, see some parts of the world I haven't seen, and generally relax after the ceremony. So the blog will again go dormant only for a short time. I promise to write more when I return next month. In the mean time, avoid lousy remakes, drink coffee, and love everyone.

Links----

oooh yeah's bundle of pictures.

Allison's wedding pictures.

Steve's bundle of pictures

Talk to you all soon.

-K

Only 4 weeks and counting

Ok, the blog hasn't been touched much because I've been very busy preparing for my upcoming wedding. Really, as of this date, I'm only 26 days away from marrying girl and just over 30 days from heading off to a once in a lifetime trip. I've had lots of people ask me if I'm scared about being married, and honestly I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. I'm still scared out of my mind though.

Let's face it, it's hard enough to get to know someone these days with other people playing games or trying to protect themselves, it's easy to find yourself playing the games back. And then when you truly meet someone that's more worth it than anything, the games don't seem as much important unless you are scared, stupid or clueless. More than 50 percent of people that get married end up divorcing, which doesn't lead to a lot of optimism in the sanctity of the ceremony. You have some conservative groups fighting with everything they have to protect marriage between a man and a woman, and gay/lesbian groups fighting to define a marriage as a contract between two people that want to share the rest of their lives together, regardless of gender. And the world today is crazy, busy, stressful, with people going so fast to be everywhere always that it's hard to stop and slow down. Marriage just means a lot of different things to different people.

And yet, being married is something I'm so ready for. As much as we all want to think that our family and friends are important, it's very different when you have a relationship with someone that gets you more than anyone, who finishes your sentences, who puts up with your flatulence, who infuriates you with some quips, who hugs and cries with you when you need it. Girl came along at a time when my life was going through some turmoil, as I'd just lost my mother to cancer and she was a huge foundation in my life. And the more I got to know girl, the more I knew I wanted her in my life.

I've grown a lot, changed a lot about me. My last name is now my birth name, I've shaved off my beard, I have cats, and a lot of new clothes about. I've started to actually be a responsible adult, owning a car and paying to own a house someday. My purpose in life now is to make her as happy as she makes me, and try not to aggravate her as much as I know I do to her at times. I don't live to work at my job for hours upon hours, but rather work to live and do things that I would prefer doing. I've never wanted this more, and had nothing ever in my life challenge me so much as melding two lives together.

I've also come to the realization that as much as I love my mom, she wasn't close to being a perfect parent. When you lose somebody suddenly, I think you can idolize them and not remember the faults and issues as much. I know exactly what my stepfathers did to me over the years, but my mom contributed to some of my personal scars that need to be patched up. We all have baggage from our past, it's how you deal with it now and in the future that's important. I realize that my dad, for all of his faults, is a good guy and I'm happy to have him in my life, even if he loves skunky beer.

I just know that they would want me to be happy, and I'm truly happy with girl around. As I wake up some mornings and see her sleeping, or see her smile at me from across the room, or give me a hug sometimes for no reason, I know I've made the right choice. I may be scared out of my mind, but I don't think it's due to fear or unwillingness to do this. I see glimpses of the future, and I get excited about what the future holds.

I think I'm scared because as much as I think I'm prepared for all of this, I know that I can't be prepared for everything. No matter what, life is going to throw some challenges at you because life isn't all about happy moments and resolving issues after the commercials. Life is real, scary sometimes, and frightening at points. But it can be exhilarating, intoxicating, and joyous, too. You sort of need to jump in with both feet and go for it sometimes. So for me, this is my jump into the deep end. I'm not entirely sure what the future holds, but I know the ride is going to be fun because I have the love of my life at my side. I love you, girl, and always will.

Weird Week in Sports

If you had told me that there would be a weird week like this in sports in our area, I'd have probably said you were nuts. But then again, strange stuff happens in threes and we have three of the more bizarre, sad stories in sports.

A lot of attention was turned towards a recent Molalla - Estacada girls basketball game that turned ugly when a coach wouldn't leave the court after being ejected. The official tried to get the coach to leave the court, but after he wouldn't the crowd erupted into separate brawls and spats. There were accusations of insults leveled at both sides, and accusations of bad sportsmanship, rude behavior, and general disrespect on both sides. Since I wasn't there, I can only take the word of the reports and stories, and say that all parties are sad that this issue blew up so badly. It's as simple as obeying the official, and if you've been ejected, you leave the court. We've all been at games where the officiating is questionable or seeming to favor one side over another, but there's no excuse in attacking a ref or disobeying a direct rule. As much as I love the antics of the Timbers Army of which I am a member, I've never felt that we would physically attack an official or do them harm. Yes, we've called officials all sorts of names that can't be mentioned in family newspapers, but we keep a line at the insults and don't cross it. It may not be sportsmanlike in some respects, but then again I can't think of any reason where assault would be considered acceptable towards an official.

Meanwhile, the Portland Winterhawks have been asked by the WHL to fix their operation. The first WHL American franchise to win a Memorial Cup, the team has a rich history of titles, great players that have had great NHL careers, crazy crowds, and some of the best sports fun in town. Now, the team seems to be a shell of themselves, playing to sparse crowds and losing a record number of games (up to 52 total losses as of this post for this season). The WHL is concerned about the lease and the front office, and have asked the team to address both concerns. The folks owning the arena, the Portland Trail Blazers, have said the lease is fine but you need to get more people to come to the games. However, the team is just struggling with injuries and youth. It's the same cycle the Trail Blazers were in back in 2003, when the team was struggling at the gate with a team that nobody wanted to come watch inside a town that didn't care. Paul Allen put the team up for sale, and tried to find someone to take the team off his hands after his ploy to refinance the Rose Garden financing didn't work and the arena was put into bankruptcy holding. The bad apples were traded away, new leadership was brought in, and new players matching a better attitude came in and the results are obvious. The Trail Blazers are struggling right now, but being the youngest team in the league, they are playing near .500 ball with a full arena, a city falling in love with them all over, and the media drooling over the possibilities. I don't know the Hawks ownership, but if the league calls you out, there's got to be some truth to what is being said about the team. Regardless, it's a bad situation and one that needs to be resolved because this team and the hockey fans deserve better.

Racing fans are feeling out in the cold after the merger of Champ Car and the IRL went through, which in effect cancelled Portland's Champ Car race normally run in June. I'll admit that while I never attended a race personally, I watched the race on TV more than a few times and I paid attention to the results. It's a source of civic pride to see our town host racing's best and put on a great show, which happened for 24 years. The race falls victim to declining attendance plus the issues that first caused the IRL - Champ Car split. Back in the late 80's, Indy Car dominated racing attention and the media, and race drivers were very public figures. But the Indy 500 owners wanted more attention and control over the races, and tried to mandate teams joining a league, the IRL. Some teams and races didn't want to participate, and they formed Champ Car and set up a competing circuit. About that time, NASCAR started gaining popularity and hasn't looked back since while Indy and IRL struggled to keep some attention towards them. The merger will ensure that the best talent hits Indy during Memorial Day weekend and the Indy 500 race, but what you end up having in other areas is cancelled races and hurt feelings. It's hard to compete with the NASCAR marketing machine, they do a great job marketing races that essentially are long races with guys turning left for 3 hours. That being said, Portland's race falls victim, mostly because of struggles to get attendance up and no major corporate sponsorship.

What all three things remind me of is the seriousness of the world of sports, how we take some issues and make them bigger than they are. It's important for folks to follow the rules and be good sports, but at the same time, we've allowed sports to become less of the fun thing we played growing up and more like a business. And the thing about business is that it's all about the bottom line. It doesn't matter about winning, losing, effort, talent, it's simply making the results profitable. In a way it's sad because the innocence and purity of sports suffers, because the game results often don't matter in relation to the bottom line. What I'm hoping we can learn about all of this is that sports mirror real life closely, but ultimately sports needs to put the games and playing first. Maybe it's a simplistic wish of sorts, but at the same time, how a team plays matters more to me than wins and losses any day.

At least it's not raining..but I actually don't mind the rain

I don't mind the rain. I know that's something even the most long time Oregonians have trouble saying, but honestly, rain isn't bad. It keeps things green, it makes our air clean, and you can still go outside and do things in the rain. Investing in some great rain gear was something I immediately did when I moved here, and it's the best investment I could make. That, and learning the Oregon fashion rule of dressing in layers. You get too hot, pull off a layer, too cold, add another layer. It's a small price to pay for living in such a cool place.

Why I started with this seems odd, but I have been going back to read old blogs of mine. I tend to write as I think, which makes my style very conversational but the editor in me cringes at some of the text that's been published here. Yes, I would do things slightly differently in some posts, but unlike George Lucas, I'll leave well enough alone. There is an energy and vibe to something that isn't completely polished, sort of a raw feeling. I will still spell check each blog, cause I may not be in the mood to edit much but spelling counts.

Blogging has turned into a decent passion of mine, even if I don't get a chance to publish something as much as I want. Recently, I watched Brandon Roy represent our fair city in the All Star Weekend (with some huge help from LaMarcus Aldridge), girl and I went to Cape Lookout to explore sites for an upcoming camping trip, and I've dealt with about every insane person I know at my work. I love my job, but honestly, it's crazy to think that people can work this fast and not have it start to wear on you. The new corporate motto of do more with less is now replaced with do more with less quickly but don't make mistakes. I don't live to work, but rather work to give me a chance to live and do the fun things I want to do.

It's important for me to be this way as I move into the last few months before my wedding. I know things will be stressful, and things will pull us in all sorts of different directions. But if you love the person more than anything and you talk and communicate to each other, there's nothing that can't be resolved. That's not meant to be simplistic, but I think that many of us (myself included) have spent so many years stressing to keep up with this and that and being everywhere that after a while, it just gets old. I couldn't care less about having the nicest car, best looking phone, or cool toys, I'd rather be happy and comfortable with who I am and where I am in my life. Trust me, it's taken a long time to get here and it's not been easy, but it does make dealing with the crap of the world more tolerable. I'm sure that in a few weeks, my nerves will be frazzled again and I'll be stressing about something else, but I'll use the knowledge of this to keep things in perspective. Because in the end of everything, it matters not what you own or the things that you have but instead the people you've touched and the things experienced.

And no, I'm not quitting my job to write Hallmark cards.

Not to Take Shots at Anyone

I heard a story that a 2o-something applied for a job at the bank I work for, and didn't take the job because they only offered them 2 weeks of paid vacation, and he wanted 4 weeks guaranteed. You know how the grapevine is around offices, so I'm sure the story has grown in proportion and stupidity over how many times it's been told. This would be much like the tales we all heard from our parents about the crap they had to deal with when they were kids, including massive snow, losing shoes, doing homework in the dark by counting rocks, etc. When my mom told me these stories, I laughed and said whatever because I was a teenager at the time and figured like any young person, I knew better than anyone. I then went to the town she grew up in, Vona, Colorado, population 40, and realized that she wasn't making a lot of this stuff up.

But it was after hearing this story that I realized that I'm now not part of the younger generation. I don't get the new popular music trends, I think most reality TV is absolute shit because it tries too hard (I like my reality TV absolutely train wreck style) to make people care about other people for some apparent reason, the clothes don't make sense, and I'm not too sure of the whole "let's get everything pierced or tatooed" approach. But I understand that many older generations say the same of their younger counterparts, so not being in on this doesn't concern me. What does is the theme of most young people that I meet in that they have expectations that everything should be available to them now, regardless of whether they work for it or deserve it.

My mom's generation worked very hard for things, but spent a great deal of time suppressing feelings and emotions because they were bad. Well, that's what it seems to be according to stories I've heard from her before she passed, but in dealing with my older relatives, they just don't seem to be in touch with their feelings or emotions but instead keep their poker face or happy face showing all the time. They fit the Baby Boomer tag if you had to label them, although I hate such tags. Some of my older cousins represent the next generation that came along, which represents the free thinking/hippie generation. Free your mind, free your soul, free your thinking, it's all about loving the earth and each other was the main mantra, but the problem you could see here was dealing with overly aggressive thinkers or the establisment. The hippies may have been free thinkers, but getting them to collectively meet up or try and change things seemed rather difficult unless it was a large party or a Grateful Dead show.

My generation came along in the corporate greed/prep generation where greed is good, labels are great, money is power, and power is good. Apparently, we forgot the rule that absolute power corrupts absolutely, and that wanting everything and feeding the greed just meant acquiring more stuff and more stress. But in dealing with the parents from boomers and hippies, most of us were either not told to deal with our feelings or do whatever your feelings tell us to do. There were remnants of the older times, as I do recall corporal punishment in schools and being spanked there a few times. Because many folks were exposed to hippies either as parents or teachers, many gen X people became free thinkers, idealists, and swore that no matter what happened, our kids wouldn't have to deal with any of the same crap we did growing up.

What this has caused this most current generation to do is have expectations that can't even begin to materialize. Parents are trying so hard to give their kids everything that they didn't have and protect them from the reality of the world, kids expect everything to be this easy. I hear stories about kids not receiving failing grades because their self esteem would be crushed, and parents suing schools to get their kids playing time on sports teams. It's no wonder that this generation has reacted like this, because parents have made it seem like this is how life works. It doesn't matter if you work hard or do what you are supposed to do, it's all about making sure that the kids get whatever they want. If you don't like something, sue somebody or bitch about it long and loud enough that it might change.

Before this seems like an essay on sour grapes here, my point behind this is simply that I think younger folks could really stand to learn some lessons about life - it's not always fair, working hard means you learn about effort and if this opportunity doesn't work there's another one coming, not everything needs to be handed to you on a silver platter, things may not make sense now but it will at some point. Why spare them the truth about life, that things don't work themselves out in a 22 minute timeframe like on TV and sometimes you can't waive your magic wand and make trouble go away. And no matter what you might hear, instant gratification only bring artificial joy. I learned a lot from not having things handed to me, and everything I have now is based on effort, hard work and taking advantage of opportunities.

But as I prepare to get married in April and have kids soon, I'm starting to understand some of the reasons why a parent may want to shield a child from the world. We live in a rather fucked up place sometimes, and there's lots of war, poverty, crime, greed, and other crud that sometimes defies explanation. You want to protect your children from this, because it's important that they feel comfortable and appreciated in life. That's great, but at some point, the world and life is going to rear it's head at them, and the sooner kids learn the truth about things, the better. I don't want to sound harsh, but honestly, is it more important to protect kids from the crap of the world or give them the tools and understanding to deal with the crap that comes up so they can handle it on their own?

I admit I'm just one person talking here, and I'm basing a lot of this on limited interactions with kids and some generalizations I've experienced. I don't want to sound like a crazy old guy telling kids to get a hair cut or get off my lawn, because I don't want to be a negative force. What I want the kids of this generation to understand is simply to live life and understand the golden rules as noted above. Life isn't fair, it may not make sense, some people may seem to be more lucky, bad stuff will happen, and there's crap going on in the world BUT life is a gift and it should be thought of that way. It doesn't matter if you become a famous person or someone that works in an office, it's important to contribute to society in the best way that you can by being the best person you can. I can't wait to be a father, because my kids will learn this plus a lot of other cool stuff...and I'll be proud of them no matter what because they'll understand what life is really all about.