Monday, January 10, 2011

life is full of interesting parallels

I always get freaked out when my writing inspiration takes off from the world of sports, and it's not like there isn't a lot to talk about lately. The Oregon Ducks take the field in a few hours to hopefully win their first ever BCS Football Championship in a sport where the computers and big money decide the title, not a playoff like so many other teams. The Portland Trail Blazers are playing competitive basketball despite two parts of their trio of stars are broken, and the two players, Greg Oden and Brandon Roy, face uncertain futures about their futures in sports. The Portland Timbers venture closer towards their first season in the MLS, picking future soccer starts this coming week in their first ever MLS Super Draft, which could put them closer toward the ultimate goal of winning an MLS Cup. My own soccer team starts their winter term in a few weeks, and I'm actually trying to get into playing shape before the season rather than play my way into shape. My wife has been working hard with her health, and I'm taking some inspiration from her efforts. I could spent a lot of time talking about these topics, but instead I'm going to talk about a crisis of family.
Those that know me know I haven't had the best of family lives, as my mom battled through three marriages and her own self demons, while I learned to shut myself off from the emotional issues that work through most intimate relationships. If I don't think about it, I don't have to deal with it works if you are one person making decisions for yourself, but when you have another person in the equation, that doesn't exactly work well. If you are also a bit stubborn like someone who shall remain nameless, changing this attitude is really hard. Real change, and I mean the things that alter your way of thinking, don't come along all that often, but at the same point, it's these situations that really prove a person's mettle and makeup. And the impetus of the change might come from rather surprising sources.
In 2001, I had been dealing with a rather destructive relationship that wasn't going anywhere but I hung on because I just didn't want to be alone. I preferred to be with someone I knew wasn't right for me instead of being alone because I thought that somehow was better than being freaking miserable. Then 9/11 hit and I watched the destruction first hand, seeing the stories and watching the human drama unfold. I didn't know anybody personally affected by the tragedy, but it was this drama that caused me to make some dramatic changes. I left the relationship, and while I didn't make all the changes I was hoping to, I made the best one by getting rid of a negative influence.
In 2005, I was awakened by a call from my stepfather to come home because my mother wasn't doing well. I had been speaking to her for weeks aware that she'd been home ill, but it was during that call that I learned the truth that her body had been ravaged by cancer and the doctors told him to call the family home to see her. I drove down with the stark realization this could be the last time I saw her, but instead I tried to think positively and believe this wasn't the end. During my last talk with her, I told her about a planned trip I wanted to take to England with friends, and she told me to go because I would never get a chance like this again. Three days later, I had to say goodbye to her spirit in what I can only describe as a gut wrenching experience. The most important female influence in my life was gone, but in the aftermath, I ended up meeting and marrying my best friend. The transition hasn't been smooth by any means, as I've tried to not let my mom's situation affect my relationship with my wife, but that hasn't always worked out. I know that being with my wife is what I want, because I'm destined to be with her. There are certain people I know that we are supposed to meet in our lives because the people make a difference in your person, and my wife fits that bill absolutely. I know that I'm a much better person for having her around, even if there are points where I allow the pain, anguish and baggage from my previous worlds affect me. I wish I could be as strong as I need to be at times, but I'm learning how to do that.
During the holiday season, I've been struggling with some issues with a family member that have boiled over to a steady mess. Love of another person doesn't exactly imply that you will treat the other person with respect and honesty, but we can always hope. This forum isn't the best place to go into the drivel about the issue, but to put it simply, there's a problem with communication. When issues like this occur, you can go through a steady list of the causes - blaming each other, throwing around emotional baggage, trying to hurt others - and my situation covers this and more. In talking with some of my friends, they've talked about relatives they've cut out of their lives simply to get rid of the negative influences. It's better to focus on good people and positive situations than deal with the crud and anguish of trying to make a futile situation work because neither side wants to yield. My resolve has been a bit all over the place, but suffice to say, I've chosen a course of action here with my dilemma. It's not completely set in stone, and as with any difficult decision, there's uncertainty and waffling because issues like this can be difficult. You don't want to pick a path without examining everything completely and thoroughly. And then the events of this past weekend happened in Arizona.
I don't really care what political persuasion or religious path you might follow, but I can't think of any rational reasons that can justify what happened. A person who made a conscious choice to represent people in her area decided to appear in a public place to gather ideas from her constituents, and another person made the decision to try and silence her with force. I understand that we live in rather fragmented times right now, because most issues that affect our country today seem to offer no clear answers to solve them. We know taxes are needed to pay for goods and services, but can't agree on which groups should pay their shares; we know corporate influences affect how government works but can't seem to agree on a way to lessen their impact. We know that people need health care to make sure they live long and happy lives, but can't seem to agree on the right way to pay for it all to ensure the care is available to those that need it. There are daily debates about the influences in government, the classrooms, society, and with most issues, there seems to be an uneasy consensus that is reached to try and appeal to the largest segment. With the passing of months, the groups that don't fall into the segments have become more vocal and present in voicing their displeasure. This is exactly how our system should work, allowing all groups the voice and ability to share their thoughts by working within the framework to guide things to the best conclusion for everybody. 
This might not please everybody, especially groups that feel we've gotten too far away from certain family ideals or we need to do more for those truly in need at all costs. The uneasy balance between many of these groups has gotten worse with various media groups that prey upon the differences and try to feed their rabid fan bases rhetoric to push their cause. We've moved from a nation that allowed somewhat civil discourse to occur to a nation that simply allows the biggest, loudest voices to push certain aspects of our society, and if the result isn't what was desired, they are inspired to use whatever tactics are necessary to gain the right end. If you aren't happy, use the court system or other legal entitlement to put up hurdles. If the right influence isn't working, use more powerful forces. Civility is for the weak, because if you really want something, it should be yours no matter the cost.
I'm not about to think that I have the answers to our world's problems through my simplistic rants that are confined to my space on the Internet, because I'm just one person and nothing this big can be solved as simply as I'm making it sound here. It would be nice if we could all put aside our trauma, bias and anger and try to talk constructively about the problems facing the world, but instead, many have learned if I bully things or push for what I want, I get the results. I'm a princess, and I deserve the best, even if that means that others can't get what they want because of it. It's tough to think of the greater good when the bills are piling up and people are frustrated about how things are going, because as they work more, does it appear they are getting ahead or not? Infomercials promise easy wealth with little to no money and effort, yet can we really say that anything in life that is worth it is obtained easily?
My hope is that what happened this past weekend will open people's eyes and ears to the power and influence of their words and actions, and it might make some think twice before picking extreme tracts and beliefs. In order to solve the world's problems, people need to work together and find a common ground that is based upon respect and belief that as a group, you can achieve anything. And even if we don't believe in the same things, we can all see the benefit of working together on a common goal that everyone can enjoy, regardless of religion, gender, sexual orientation or whatever. Now isn't the time to bunker down and isolate further into fragments, but instead work harder to bridge the gaps to bring people together.
I'd like to think that it would be that simple, but I know that it won't be, because as I mentioned, anything worth having takes great work and discipline. But for a few days, I'm holding out hope that we can rise up to the occasion. As happens every year around the Holidays, people are nicer and friendlier because they strive to be the people they want to be. Whether it's the spirit of the season, giving of themselves, it's the time when the world is a nicer place, so I know we are capable of it. We'll need a huge dose of it, because it will take a lot of hard work and tough choices to overcome the divide. But one thing is clear, it's helped inspire me in my situation and I'm comfortable in my choice of path. It's worth doing, regardless of the cost, and it's my small way of trying to make the world a better place. Guess we have to start somewhere, don't we?

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