Tuesday, February 23, 2010

It's Been A Tough Day, But It's Getting Better

I know that everyone has tough days, days that you would just like to hide from the world or ask the world to stop the ride becaue you'd like to get off. I remember many times growing up hearing about character building experiences, which I equated to situations where adults wanted to torment kids for whatever reason, but now that I'm older and trying to get things figured out, I see things differently.
I'd like to say that I learn a lot from winning and success, but honestly, the only thing that I can consistenly say that I learn from that is that I should keep doing whatever it is I'm doing cause it worked. Mind you, it could have been pure dumb luck or the efforts of one or many that led to success, but we all know that being a superstitious lot, we tend to try and mirror successes to build upon things later. I've learned far more from the hurdles and drama that I've had to deal with, because those situations force us to examine ourselves and who we are, and either make the decision that things are OK or things must change because they can't work the way they were. I've faced a lot of challenges lately, from my own past trauma which we all have to challenges at work, but nothing has presented as many challenges as losing my mother.
For those of you that know me, this is rather old news, but for me, there are things that remind me of her that push me back to the day we lost her. Today happens to be her birthday, and while it's a lot better today mentally, I still feel a bit of apprehension and stress simply because I know what day it is. Granted, I know that she's moved onto a better place and I'm living in the here and now, but that doesn't change the fact that she was an important influence to me, good and bad. And if you had talked to me late in 2005 after her death, I still had the rose colored glasses and eternal optimism that things were good with us and I had a really good childhood.
The years and events since then have pulled a lot of the tarnish from that rose colored view to make me realize that things weren't nearly as good as I envisioned because I only focused on the good stuff. I didn't focus upon the divorces, her desire to try and find someone to love her as much as she loved others but settling for what was available, and her inability to kick me in the butt when I needed it. Instead of allowing me to fail or succeed based on my terms, I got the kid gloves treatment for the most part, and so it's no wonder now that I try so hard to avoid failure because I never learned until recently that it's ok to fall on your butt. I thought I had my life all figured out until I was forced to look at it and I realized that it wasn't anything like what I wanted.
I had a studio apartment in NW Portland, living the relative high life by myself and trying to manage things for me. But when I met girl and realized how important she was to me, I realized that I needed and wanted so much more, even if I didn't know it at first. I missed the simple joy of pets coming around to sleep on your lap, or rubbing against you when you've had a crappy day, or even the simple ability to share the events of my day with someone that cares. Not that I didn't have friends and family that don't care, but when you are in an intimate relationship, it becomes a big relief to have someone to help carry the burden. And while I drive my wife crazy quite a bit, I can't think of anyone else that I'd want to spend my life with. She gives me love and kicks my butt when I need it, and I appreciate that quite a lot, even if there are times where I fight it or don't appreciate what she does for me.
And while today has been a relatively busy day at work, I've still thought about the day and my mom, and while I miss her terribly, I know she'd be happy because I'm happy with my life. She would be ecstatic that I have someone to share things with, inspire and support, and playfully tease once I figure out a good comeback to some of her jokes (hey, I get tripped up when she tells me I suck and I can't think of a quick reply), because it's like finding your other half. Today, while I've thought about my mom and talked to my sister by email, I've spent as much time thinking about the future and the things I want to do later on. I suppose you could say that I'm living my life, which I'm sure that my mom would want me to do more than anything.
Olympics Banter - Hockey fans are still way upset about Sunday and with good reason. I watched the game Sunday afternoon and it was one of the best events I've seen in a while. While I'll agree with this blogger that some of the technology used for this coverage has been top flight, the coverage overall has been terrible. You might have some of the best camera angles and graphics that show some pretty cool stuff, but when your coverage is extremely minimal and more based on tape delayed snippets and back story filler, it doesn't matter how many cool toys you have. I want to see events and have the drama unfold in front of me rather than being told what I should like or what I should support.
And something I can't support is ice skating, which is something the coverage dedicates itself to quite a bit. I can't support any activity that depends on judging that is hard to understand, I don't care how compelling the costumes might be or how much adversity they've overcome to get here. At least with aerial skiing, I can relate to the difference between certain tricks and there's a danger factor that provides some thrill, but skating doesn't provide me any of that. It's the same beef I have with the Summer Olympics and gymnastics. But I won't say that the Olympics needs to get rid of any sports at all, because I understand that people have differing tastes in competition and I'm not going to badmouth the choices in sports unlike other fans who hate the game I love soccer.
It's just that for a sports fan, you relate to competition and the drama that builds up during the event, and putting things on tape delay and not allowing the event to unfold as it happens takes away the most compelling reasons to watch sports. It would be like boiling the Super Bowl to an hour show with only the key plays and lots of stories about the players. Nobody would ever agree or watch something like this, but for the Olympics, NBC is convinced this is what we want to watch. Well, not me, I've been watching what I can on ctvolympics.ca, a site run by CTV. It's not on delay, and while it's biased for the home side, it's still some of the best stuff to watch if you simply want to watch people battle in the arena of sports.

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